We have recently heard about the allegations against Brett Kavanaugh,
the judge that has been nominated to the Supreme Court by Donald Trump. Christine Blasey Ford has accused Kavanaugh
of sexual assault.
It is being asked, mind you after the year of #metoo, why is
Ford coming forward now. Is this politically
motivated? Has she made it up?
I can tell you, it is very understandable that Ford has waited
this long. I am telling you as a man who
has not experienced sexual assault, but as someone that has experienced a childhood
full of personal degradation from the very people that are supposed to be your
biggest protectors, my parents.
In the 50’s and early 60’s, parents were given all the room
they needed to raise their children, even if that meant there were clear signs
of abuse. Some of my abuse from my
parents was even witnessed by family members and teachers, yet nothing was said
to me or done to stop it. (I must add,
after rereading the blog post, there was one teacher that witnessed the
degradation in her classroom after school hours. It included my father hitting me more than
once. The next day, the teacher did
approach me during the school day and asked if I was okay. I said yes because I didn’t want to make
things worse. Maybe if I just keep my head
down, this will pass.) You take that as
being your fault and that this is just normal life. Everybody must go through this. Your expression of outrage, pain and in the
long run, depression is met with indifference.
That indifference is the secondary society abuse that you
receive. It may not be direct physical
abuse but is just as damaging to the soul.
Here you have been degraded to second class citizen in the family unit
and now society (and the extended family) disregard your expressions and walk
away from you. Leaving you alone to deal
with the problems on your own.
When overpowered by someone else, as I was by my parents,
you believe that you did something to encourage the abuse. You believe that nobody will believe you.
In Ford’s case, she was over powered by a man in one of the
most degrading ways possible. She was
not in control of her own body. She has also been quoted as saying she was in fear of her own life.
Ford’s statement about her treatment would have been treated
as mine. Plus, at the time and certainly
to this day, her gender makes a big difference. Woman are treated differently. Their
statements about abuse and assault are treated with indifference. You shouldn’t have been in the room. You must have done something that encouraged
him. You must have liked the
attention.
Does all that sound familiar? You need only reread the preceding paragraphs
about my own experiences to see there are not only parallels and similarities,
but they are the same thing.
All of this means you bury it. But, even buried, it causes many problems in your life, even if you not be aware of it. Afterall, isn’t that the lesson you learned from the society around you
when you mentioned it?
Then something changes.
Life comes down on you. As a
person that has been nurtured correctly by your parents or who has not had to
bury deep and harsh trauma, you respond well.
You address the issues that you face, solve the problems and build a
happy life.
But, if you have had trouble in your life and you are thinking
of yourself as a second-class person, you don’t respond well.
For me, it was facing all the responsibilities of being on
my own. Since my parents had taught me
that I was unable of sustain my own life without them, I begin to fail at some
of the most fundamental issues of life.
Yes, it was all the practical ones like managing my everyday life, but
more importantly, it was personal relationships and not having a feeling of at
least a small measure of happiness.
It sent me into hell.
In therapy, I had to dig into every pile of shit that I had pushed to the
backroom of my mind and relive them.
Yes, relive. Because, by reliving
them you are given the opportunity to draw more life affirming conclusions that
enable you learn to deal with the pressures of your life.
For Ford, she went into therapy also. This was before Kavanaugh. She wasn’t waiting for him to be nominated to
the Supreme Court, as if she knew some day he was going to be. She went for personal reasons. She wanted what I wanted and what every
single person in this world wants, a small slice of happiness and peace.
Ford needed to relive the experience, as horrifying as that
is, and draw a different conclusion.
That new conclusion is that Kavanaugh must be held responsible for his
actions.
Now, I am here to tell you, Ford will still be held to some of
the same societal indifference and degradation today as she would have been 30
years ago. I know I am. I have even given up explaining my childhood
abuse to most people today because it is way to difficult to get past the first
reaction most come up with, “Oh, every child has those same experiences, get
over it.”
For Ford, it is, why are you bringing it up now? If you don’t understand the answer to that question,
then you must be held as responsible as Kavanaugh.
